I’ve spent the last several decades observing other people. Growing up, I observed the people who raised me. And then, as I became older, I observed my relatives, teachers, friends and colleagues. After a lifetime of observing how other people have lived their lives, I’ve found that no one lives life perfectly. Nevertheless, there are some people who have figured out how to live what I would call a “good life.” And based on my observations, I’ve found that there’s a formula for creating a good life.
Of course, the first question is this: What exactly is a good life? Well, it isn’t what society tells us. A good life isn’t one in which you attain all the things that society values, like money, success or fame. Those things are nice. But having those things won’t necessarily lead you to have a good life.
Rather, a good life is one in which you have peaceful, respectful relationships with other people, animals and the earth. A good life is one in which you take proper care of your body and your emotional well-being. And a good life is one in which you enjoy creative and intellectual pursuits. Those are the hallmarks of a good life.
If you are looking for a formula to live a good life, consider the approaches below. Start today, follow these approaches, and get on the path to living the good life that you deserve.
Be Kind
The first step toward having a good life is to be kind. Now, I’ll concede that telling you to “be kind” sounds simplistic. But over the years, I’ve observed individuals who chronically do and say unkind things. And what I’ve learned is this: Unkind people aren’t happy.
Now, when I refer to folks who are unkind, I’m not talking about people who inadvertently make the occasional mistake and say or do something unkind. We all can mistakenly be insensitive or unthinking, at times. Rather, unkind people are those who intentionally demean or ridicule others. They’re the individuals who trample over the needs of others to get their own way.
Now, I’ll concede that being unkind probably sounds pretty good! After all, life must be great if you can say anything that flies into your head, no matter how unkind, without consequences. Right? And life must be terrific if you can bully others and get your way. Right?
Wrong. It may seem counterintuitive, but being able to do and say whatever you like will not lead you to have a good life. If you’re unkind, ultimately, you’ll be miserable.
How do I know this? Because I’ve never seen an unkind person who’s happy. Being unkind and having a good life are mutually exclusive concepts. You can’t have both at the same time.
The people who I’ve known over the years who are truly happy and have good lives are kind people. They’re the folks who encourage and compliment whenever possible. They’re the people who are generous with their time and resources. They’re gentle. And unselfish. Their existence truly makes the world a better place.
So, if you’re seeking to live a good life, start by being kind. Be kind in your words and your deeds. Be kind to other people, animals and the earth. Be kind all the time, and see how much better your life becomes. (To read about how to transform your life with a kindness practice, click here.)
Take Good Care of Your Mental and Emotional Health
You can have all the “external” successes in life – a good career, a nice home and financial security. But if your “internal” life (meaning your mental and emotional health) is poor, you won’t have a good life. Instead, you’ll be frustrated and unhappy.
So, how do we achieve good mental and emotional health? Well, sometimes, we need professional assistance to be mentally healthy. For example, some folks’ bodies have a chemical imbalance which leads them to feel anxious. But a prescription from a doctor often can resolve that issue. Some of us may have experienced trauma. If so, a therapist or counselor can help us process that experience. That kind of professional assistance can allow us to enjoy excellent mental and emotional health.
But there also are practical things that we can do ourselves to support our mental and emotional health. One important thing to do is to carefully choose who you live with. If you’ve ever lived with a difficult parent or spouse, you know the kind of stress that other people can cause. And if difficult individuals live in your home, there’s no escape from them.
So, if you want to live a good life, be careful who you live with! If your parent is a problem, once you’re 18, leave home, become self-sufficient, and limit your time with that parent. Similarly, if your spouse is difficult or unkind, consider getting divorced. The same holds true for adult children. If you have an adult child in your home who is rude and disrespectful, tell that child to live elsewhere. I’ll concede that may sound harsh. But to have a good life, you have to make your mental and emotional health a top priority.
Another important way to care for your mental and emotional health is to believe in yourself. Unfortunately, the world can be a highly critical place. So, it’s important to learn to ignore the critics, and instead, be confident! Be confident in your skills and talents, and go into the world with your head held high.
So, make your emotional and mental health a top priority! If you care for your mental and emotional health in these ways, you’ll be on track to living a good life!
Take Care of Your Physical Health through Exercise
Part of having a good life is feeling physically good. When we’re strong and healthy, getting through the day is so much easier. Moreover, our clothes look and fit better. But good health doesn’t just happen. It takes work! And self-discipline.
There are two components to good physical health: Exercise and diet. Exercise is an important way that we take care of our bodies. To that end, we need to exercise our bodies in four specific ways:
- We need to move them during the day through walking, running or biking;
- We need to strengthen our bodies regularly by lifting heavy objects, typically weights;
- We need to stretch our muscles so that we can be flexible, which can be accomplished with basic stretching exercises or yoga; and
- We need to practice balancing to prevent falls, either by doing balance exercises or practicing tai chi.
The key is to create a schedule in which you regularly exercise your body in those four ways. Realize that you don’t have to go to a gym to do so! I exercise my body through a combination of walking 10K steps per day, stretching every evening, and lifting weights at home. And recently, as a treat to myself, I started taking a tai chi class once a week.
My exercise goal isn’t to become an athlete. Rather, my exercise goal is simply to feel good throughout the day. Because to have a good life, you want to have a body that you can move easily for however long you’re on this earth!
Take Care of Your Physical Health by Having a Good Diet
In order to take good care of your body, you also need to be careful what you put in it. I do the normal things to have a healthy diet. I avoid processed and sugary foods, and I make sure to eat three meals a day. But I’ve also made two more “unusual” dietary changes during the past decade, both of which have dramatically improved my health. I recommend them!
First, 10 years ago, I stopped drinking alcohol. Now, to be clear, I never used to drink very much. At most, I had a beer or a glass of wine with dinner. But even one drink made my head and stomach feel terrible. And if I had more than one drink, I woke up the next morning feeling awful.
So, one day I decided to give up drinking alcohol altogether, and my body has thanked me ever since. Nowadays, I drink water, coffee and tea. That is all, and I feel terrific.
The second beneficial dietary change I made was to give up eating meat. Now there are many ethical and environmental reasons to stop eating meat. Leaving those aside, you are much better off, health-wise, to eat a diet of whole grains, vegetables and beans. They are less fattening than meat and extremely nutritious. And realize that a vegetarian (or pescatarian) diet is not boring! My cooking has become more tasty, interesting and sophisticated since I eliminated meat from the meals that I prepare.
So, if you want to live a good life, take care of your body! Exercise your body and make good choices as to what you put in it. You’ve only been given one body in this life. So, make sure that it’s going to help you live the best life possible. (To read about ways to improve your physical and mental health, click here.)
Engage in Creative or Intellectual Pursuits
The final component to living a good life is to have interests beyond what you do for a living. That means spending some of your free time each day doing creative or intellectual activities that you enjoy.
One of the challenges that we face in life is protecting our free time so that we can engage in creative or intellectual pursuits! Unfortunately, other people often will try to take up our free time. For instance, you may have family members or friends who pounce every time they see that you have unscheduled time. They’ll want you to use your precious free time to “entertain” them. Or, they may want to consume your free time with their personal issues.
I’ll concede that it’s difficult to say to other people, “My free time is sacred. Please go entertain yourself, or manage your own issues.” For example, for many years, my free time was consumed with meeting the needs of others. As a result, I spent countless weekends doing activities that simply didn’t interest me. But at a certain point, I realized that my free time was precious, and it was being wasted.
So, I took back control of my life. I began spending my free time doing those things that mattered to me. Reading. Going for walks. Listening to classical music. Writing. That’s when I was able to transform my life into a good life.
Realize that you free time is sacred. And it should be spent doing things that both interest you, and that challenge your brain. For you, that may mean doing creative activities, like needlepoint, drawing or playing an instrument. Or, you may enjoy intellectual activities like bird watching, reading about history, or learning a foreign language. No matter what activity you choose, your free time should be spent doing something intellectual or creative that you enjoy.
Remember that a good life is an interesting life. It isn’t a life spent sitting in front of the television or the computer watching videos, movies, the news, or sports. Rather, it’s a life spent learning new things and doing activities that you find to be meaningful, and which challenge your brain.
If you are seeking to have a good life, start by following the approaches above. Be mindful that a good life doesn’t just happen. It’s created. Become intentional about how you live each day, and soon you’ll find that you’ve created a good life. (To read about how to develop a self-improvement plan, click here.)
