So much of our frustration in life comes from our desire to have things turn out in a certain way. For instance, if we apply for a job, we want an offer. Or if we get married, we want the marriage to be a lifelong, perfect union. And if we help others, we want to be thanked for our kindness.
The problem is that most outcomes in life are not within our control. If I apply for a job, I can’t force the employer to hire me. That’s his or her decision. Similarly, if I get married, I can do my best to be a wonderful spouse. But if my spouse is unwilling to make the same effort, the marriage may not work out. And if I help other people, they may or may not appreciate my assistance!
So, the key to happiness in life is to let go of the need for certain outcomes. It may sound odd, but if you want to be happy and successful, you need to stop focusing on what your efforts ultimately will produce. Instead, you simply want to focus on doing your best, each day.
Realize that if you spend each day working hard and being kind, you will have good outcomes. Will they be the outcomes that you expect? Maybe. Maybe not. Frankly, your outcomes may be better than what you envisioned.
Below are ways to change your approach to life from focusing on outcomes to focusing on efforts. If you shift your approach, you’ll experience the benefits that come from working hard, enjoying the journey, and seeing what great surprises life has in store for you!
Shift Your Attention to Your Daily Effort
Realize that worrying about outcomes is terrible for your mental health. Fretting and asking yourself, “Will my efforts succeed?” is a recipe for aggravation.
Instead, the question that you should ask yourself each day is this: “Did I give my best effort today?”
For example, I always have goals in the back of my mind that I want to achieve. One of my goals is to become fluent in Spanish. I will say that learning a second language is no small feat! Spanish is a beautiful language, but it’s also a challenging one.
Now, if I focused on the fact that I’m not yet fluent in Spanish, I’d become aggravated. And I’d probably give up. So, in order to stay the course, I don’t spend my time focusing on my end goal of achieving fluency in Spanish. Instead, I focus on what efforts I can make each day to learn Spanish. And that feels great! Because as long as I make some effort during the day to work on my Spanish language skills, I’ve met my goal for that day. And at the end of the day, I feel a sense of accomplishment.
The same holds true for my desire to be healthy. Each morning, I wake up with the goals of getting in some exercise and eating healthy just for that day. And if by the end of the day I’ve met my goals, I’m happy. My long-term goals of being strong, fit and healthy will be accomplished as the years pass.
So, don’t worry about long-term outcomes. That’s a recipe for frustration and for giving up. Instead, simply give your attention to your daily effort. If you do, you’ll feel great because the one thing that you are in control of is the amount of effort you give each day.
Let the Outcome Become a Pleasant Surprise
It’s reasonable to have general hopes for what your life will look like, based on your efforts. So, for example, if you study hard and get a good education, you can hope for a good job. But how your career eventually will turn out is a mystery. Likewise, if you start a business and work hard, you can hope for it to be successful. But you won’t know how that business ultimately will grow.
You can apply the same reasoning to any endeavor. The reality is that how our lives will evolve is a mystery. For instance, I grew up quite modestly in a very small house. My parents didn’t have a lot of money, and I didn’t have the financial advantages of many of the kids with whom I grew up. So, as a young person, I had to work hard, and I made sacrifices to be able to get a higher education.
But after several decades of hard work and responsible living, I’ve been able to create a lovely life as an adult. I now live in a beautiful home, and I have a nice career. I’ve been able to pay for my daughter’s college education, and I’ll pay for her graduate school education, as well. I have a terrific husband, a lovely daughter and kind friends. Each day, I have the luxury to be able to spend time reading, thinking and enjoying nature. And most importantly, my life is quiet and peaceful.
Of course, as a young person, I had hopes for how my life would turn out. But life is unpredictable! So, the only thing I could do over the years was to focus on my efforts. As a result, I’ve always my done best to treat all people who I encounter with kindness and respect. I’ve also worked hard and tried to be extremely responsible. And the good news is that over time, my efforts have paid off in ways that I simply could not have anticipated.
So, the key is this: Let go of your expectations. Accept that life likely will not go according to plan. And that’s OK! Just enjoy the journey. Let the evolution of your life be a pleasant surprise. Because if you live carefully and responsibly, and are kind to all, you’ll have grander outcomes than you could have ever imagined.
Build a Life You’re Proud of and Great Results Will Follow
After several decades on this earth, what I’ve figured out is that if you want to live a life that you can be proud of, don’t worry about accomplishing big goals. Instead, simply aim to live each day holding yourself to the highest standard possible.
Realize that a good life is one in which one is kind. Responsible. Humble. Respectful of others. Gentle. Thoughtful. Hard-working. And generous. If you live a life that reflects those attributes, you’ll live a life that you can be proud of.
And if you hold yourself to those high standards on a daily basis, good things will happen to you. Hard-work will result in achievement. Kind, gentle, respectful behavior will result in good relationships. Generosity and thoughtfulness will earn you the admiration of others.
Realize that karma is real. Or to put it another way, our lives bear the fruits of our behaviors. So, if you are cruel, difficult and selfish, your life will reflect that. And by contrast, if you are kind, decent and hard-working, your life similarly will reflect your goodness.
So, focus on building a life that you can be proud of. Strive to become a person you can be proud of. The good news is that if you do so, the positive outcomes you desire will follow.
If you are seeking to live a great life, stop focusing on the outcomes of your efforts. Instead, follow the approaches above. Live each day, holding yourself to the highest standard possible. If you do, you’ll ultimately have a life that far exceeds your expectations. (To read about the power of setting daily goals, click here.)
I’ve spent the last several decades observing other people. Growing up, I observed the people who raised me. And then, Read more
