How to Do a Gentle Life Audit: Figure out What’s Working, What Isn’t, and What to Do Next

A life audit is one of the most difficult things that you can do.  Facing head on where you need to make changes in life is humbling!  It’s an admission that you may not being doing everything perfectly.  Or that you may have made some bad choices in the past that have led you to where you are today.  But the good news is that if you take the time to do a life audit and honestly assess where you are today, you can put yourself on the path toward creating the life that you truly want.

Unfortunately, most people don’t do periodic life audits.  Why?  Well, because it’s hard to face difficult truths.  The truth may be that you’re in the wrong profession.  Or the truth may be that you have a relationship that needs to end.  The truth may be that you may be that you’re wasting a lot of time during your week on activities that don’t leave you happy or fulfilled.

And because life audits are uncomfortable, people do all kinds of things to avoid them.  They may watch a lot of television or surf the Internet to distract themselves from the fact that their lives aren’t working.  Or, they may overload their schedules so that there isn’t any time to face the fact that their lives aren’t going in the right direction. 

Nevertheless, I’d encourage you to do life audits, from time to time. Even if they’re uncomfortable. The reality is that we all get off track, on occasion.  It certainly has happened to me.  And if it has happened to you, don’t feel badly.  Most every person, at some point in their lives, will wake up one day, look in the mirror and wonder, “I’m not where I want to be in life.  How on earth did I get here?”  Well, you got “here” by making some good and bad choices.  And when you have that moment in the mirror, that’s the time to do a life audit, so you can get yourself back on track.

Below is five-step process for doing a gentle life audit.  This approach is “gentle” because the point isn’t to beat yourself up for past bad choices.  And it’s not about turning your life upside down overnight. Rather, a gentle life audit is about assessing where you are today and getting yourself on the path to creating the best future possible! 

Step 1: Look at Your Life Realistically

Many years ago, I was at work and someone said to me off-handedly, “Well, your life is challenging.”  At the time, I took offense!  I thought to myself, “Well, hang on. My life is just fine!”  However, the reality was that at the time, my life was not just fine.  And the entire world could plainly see that. 

So, I decided to look at my life realistically.  And the reality was this: I was under significant stress.   And that stress was causing me to have stomachaches and headaches and was turning my hair gray.

It’s only when we look at our lives realistically that we can begin the life audit.  And that means asking yourself this very tough question: “If I were an outside observer, what would I notice about how I live?”

Perhaps an outside observer would notice that every evening, you spend 3 hours watching television.  Or they might observe that you eat a lot of unhealthy foods or drink too much alcohol.  A neutral observer might see that you are profoundly unhappy in your marriage.  Or in your job.

We tend to carry on with life, just get through each day, without stopping to really look at our lives.  So, for Step One, just look at your life as would a stranger.  What would they see?  Would there be anything about your life that would concern an impartial person? 

Step 2: Name Who, What and Where Gives You Stress

After you look at your life realistically, you then need to identify the times, people and places where you feel stress.  For instance, there was a period in my life when my weekends were a source of stress for me.  By the end of the week, I was exhausted and simply wanted to rest and read a book.  However, my weekends typically were full of activities and obligations that I just didn’t want to do.

So, I dreaded every weekend.  And ironically, I looked forward to Monday morning when my only obligation was to go to work, and then come home, make dinner and clean the house.  That was when I felt at ease!

So, in Step Two to ask yourself this question: “The moments I most want to escape or avoid are…”  Do certain people make you feel uneasy?  Are there certain activities that you do and think, “Ugh, I just don’t want to be here.” 

When you identify who, what and where gives you stress, those are clues in your life audit as to what needs to change.

Step 3: Diagnose Why You Feel Uneasy

The next step is to figure out why you feel uneasy or tense.  For instance, you may feel uneasy because you’ve outgrown a certain person or activity.  Unfortunately, sometimes we outgrow people.  And then our relationships stop working because people continue to relate to us the “old” way, and we’ve grown past that.  We also outgrow activities.  For example, the activities that we found to be enjoyable in our twenties will no longer be fun in our fifties! 

When diagnosing why you feel unease, you might frame your analysis like this: “This feels hard because …”  Why does it feel hard?  Or uneasy?  Or uncomfortable? 

So, in Step Three, give some thought to why you feel uneasy or uncomfortable.  Be honest with yourself.  I will concede that it’s hard to admit that you’ve outgrown a relationship.  Or that a career that you thought would be rewarding in your twenties no longer suits you at age 45.  It’s also hard to admit that you are over-extended and just need some time for self-care. 

Realize that figuring out the “why” isn’t about blaming other people or being mad at yourself.  It’s simply about figuring out why something in your life isn’t working for you. When you know the why, you then are ready for Step 4.

Step 4: Decide What Changes (and What Doesn’t)

Because this is a gentle life audit, the goal isn’t to change your entire life overnight. It’s about figuring out what kind of life you want, and then creating a plan to get there.

When changing your life over time, you want to make your changes gradually. As a result, your starting point might be to fill in the blanks of this sentence: “As a starting point, I am choosing to keep ___, change ___, and let go of ___.”   As an example, you might say, “As a starting point, I am choosing to keep my career, change my diet, and let go of a relationship that is no longer working.”

Realize that you don’t want to turn your life upside down overnight.  That’s overwhelming.  Instead, you want to start by making necessary changes, while keeping some things in your life that are imperfect. You then can fix those other imperfections over time. 

So, in Step Four, just assess where you want to make changes now, versus where you may make changes in the future.  The good news is that life isn’t a race!  You can ease into fixing what isn’t working. 

Right now, you are in the “designing” period.  You’re figuring out how to design your ideal life.  That doesn’t happen overnight.  Rather, it happens by making gradual, strategic changes in order to create your best life possible.

Step 5: Commit to Making Successive Changes over Time

So, how do you successfully change your life after the life audit? Well, you want to change one aspect of your life at a time.  Make a change.  Get used to the new way of living.  Let that change achieve “normalcy” in your life.  Then move onto the next change.

For example, let’s say that you are feeling exhausted at the end of each week.  For the next month, decline all commitments.  If saying “no” to other people feels undiplomatic, then make up some kind of excuse for why you are unavailable.  Covid.  Work obligations.  Anything.  Then see how it feels to have your weekends free to just rest.  Treat it as an experiment. Then see if creating more time to rest in your schedule that is a lifestyle change that you want to adopt permanently.

Or, perhaps you have a relationship that’s getting on your nerves.  Take a temporary a break from that person.  Take two weeks or a month to keep that person at a distance.  See how that feels.  Again, you’re just experimenting.  If you feel relieved after having some time away from that person, then you may want to permanently limit your time with that person or end the relationship altogether. 

The key to having a successful life audit is to (1) start by thoughtfully assessing your life, and (2) then make one change at a time.  Address one dissatisfaction at a time.  Implement one new approach to life at a time. When you follow that approach, you will create the beautiful life that you deserve. (To read about how to make your goal a reality, click here.)