7 Questions That Will Help You Make Better Life Choices

Making big life choices is challenging.  The problem is that we often make big life choices while under stress or a time constraint.  And then we look back on our lives and think, “Why on earth did I make that choice?”  The good news is that there are questions that you can ask yourself that will help you to make better life choices.

Realize that a good life comes from making good choices.  That’s because our lives are the sum of the big and small choices that we make over time.  What career do we choose?  Do we choose to get married?  If we do choose to marry, who do we choose to marry?  What type of diet do we choose?  Do we choose a carnivorous, vegetarian or vegan diet?  How do we spend our money?  Our big and small choices shape our days. 

Now, not one of us will make uniformly perfect choices in life.  Instead, on occasion, each one of us will make some poor choices.  So, the goal simply is to learn, over time, to become increasingly better at making great life choices.

Below are 7 thoughtful questions which you can use to make much better life choices and have a far happier life!

Questions #1: Does this choice align with my deepest values?

Every decision that you make in your life, whether big or small, should be driven by your values.  The choices you make, from what you eat to the career you choose, should align with those values. 

But how do you know if a decision is in line with your values?  Well, if your decision isn’t in line with your values, the decision will make you feel uncomfortable.  As a simple example, I value the safety and happiness of all creatures.  And yet, for many years, I ate meat (chicken, beef and pork).  Doing so made me uncomfortable, and yet, for a very long time, I didn’t address that discomfort. 

However, ultimately, I did address my discomfort.  Several years ago, I decided to become a pescatarian/vegetarian.  I adopted a diet of mainly eating vegetarian dishes, and occasionally eating fish.  What I can tell you is this: I now feel more comfortable!  Yes, my diet isn’t in perfect alignment with my values because I still occasionally eat fish.  But my diet is far closer to what I value – the happiness and security of all creatures.  And that feels good! 

So, when making both big and small life choices, pay attention to your discomfort.  If you’re feeling uncomfortable, that’s because what you’re doing doesn’t align with your deepest values.  If that’s the case, make a different choice, one that aligns with your values, so you can be more comfortable and happier!

Questions #2: Will this choice matter to me in five or ten years?

There are simple decisions that we make each day that aren’t consequential.  For instance, whether to buy your coffee at the local coffee shop in the morning versus making it at home is an inconsequential decision.  The only effect of that decision is that you may save some money by making your coffee at home.

By contrast, choosing who to marry, or whether or not to marry is a consequential choice.  Your choice will affect your life for decades to come.  So, our choices do not all have the same importance.

As a result, when making choices, you want to take the ones which have long-term consequences very seriously!  They will impact your entire life.  For instance, in my younger years, I moved around a lot, and I ended up living in several states in the U.S., in Canada, and in the Middle East.  Unfortunately, at the time, I didn’t give sufficient consideration to how these moves would affect me five, ten and even twenty years down the road.

What I failed to consider is that moving frequently is detrimental to one’s career – it certainly was detrimental to mine.  But at the time, when the issue of moving came up, I wasn’t thinking of my future.  I was just thinking of the effect of the move in that moment.  That was short-sighted.

So, the key to making good decisions is to ask yourself this question: “Will this decision impact me in five, ten or even twenty years?”  If you may be negatively impacted in the future, think long and hard about whether it’s a good decision to make today.

Questions #3: Does this choice increase or drain my energy?

There are some jobs that are draining.  There even are people that are draining!  And there are activities that are draining.  And the goal is to make choices that expand rather than drain your energy.

For instance, when I was younger, I used to do a lot of activities that drained my energy.  My weekends often were consumed with activities that exhausted me.  But at a certain point, I decided that my free time needed to be spent on activities that energized me. As a result, I changed how I chose to spend my free time.

These days, I choose to spend my free time on activities that increase my energy, and as a result, I feel so much better!  I spend my free time writing, reading and gardening.  And very often I meet friends for coffee or lunch.  All of those activities are energizing to me!

So, if you are going to make a choice, whether big or small, consider, “Will this choice drain my energy?”  If it will, don’t do it!  It isn’t worth it.  The key to a good life is to spend your time doing only those things that truly leave you feeling positive and energized.

Questions #4: Am I making this choice out of love or out of fear?

Unfortunately, we often make big life choices out of fear.  We may choose a particular career because it’s “safe,” and we’ll be assured a reasonable salary.  The career may seem completely boring to us, but no matter.  We’re safe (!) in that job.

Or we may choose to marry out of fear.  We may think, “If I don’t get married, I won’t be considered successful in the eyes of my family and friends.”  Or, we may think, “If I don’t get married, then I’ll end up being lonely.”  And so, folks will marry the wrong person at the wrong time out of fear rather than love. I could go on with more examples, but you get my point. 

The problem is that fear-based choices rarely result in a happy life.  They typically are bad choices that lead to years of aggravation.

Why go through all that?  Instead, make choices out of love!  Choose a career that you love.  One that is intellectually fulfilling and spiritually rewarding.  Choose a spouse who you truly love.  More importantly, choose someone who is committed to stable family life and has the emotional maturity to be a good spouse.

Remember that when we make choices from a place of love, we choose well! 

Questions #5: Does this choice bring me closer to the kind of person I want to be?

Every choice that you make will shape who you become.  For example, big choices, like the career that you choose will shape how you evolve as a person.  Will you choose a job that challenges your intellect and leadership skills?  Or will you choose a job that’s comfortable, in which you can putter along? 

Our small choices shape us, as well.  How I speak to other people each day will impact my character.  If I speak kinds and respectfully to others, I will put myself on a trajectory to becoming a decent, high quality human being.  And if I speak and act cruelly toward others, I put myself on the path to becoming a crummy person. 

So, our big and small choices matter.  And the question we need to keep asking ourselves, over and over again, when faced with any choice is this: “Does this choice bring me closer to becoming the kind of person who I want to be?” 

I have several decades of life under my belt, and I can tell you with certainty that my life today is a culmination of the good and bad choices that I’ve made over the years.  And with each passing year, I try to improve my choices so that I can be on the path to become the kind of person who I want to be – a kind, accomplished, compassionate human being.

So, choose wisely.  Make choices that put you on track to becoming the high-quality human being that you aspire to be.

Question #6: If I imagined myself at the end of my life, would I be glad that I made this choice?

Oftentimes, we make choices in “reaction” mode.  We’re presented with a choice, and we think, “How do I solve this issue quickly, so that I can get on with my life?”  But a quick solution isn’t always the best, long-term solution.

So, when presented with a difficult life choice, ask yourself, “If I imagined myself at the end of my life, would I be glad that I made this choice?”  That question cuts through the noise of any present concerns.  Instead, it allows you to think about the choice in a more long-term fashion. 

For instance, in my twenties I made all kinds of big life choices – career, marriage, etc. – with the sole goal of creating stability in my life as quickly as possible.  I had grown up in an unstable home, and so, my one and only goal was to create a stable life for myself as an adult.  The problem is that I wasn’t thinking about whether my choices would make me happy in the long run.  Instead, I was just trying to solve my immediate problem: How can I create stability in my life right now?  And ultimately, those choices didn’t end up being the “right” choices.

So, remember that making big life choices with a one-year perspective isn’t going to get you good results.  You have to have a long-term perspective when making decisions.  And the best way to do that is to say to yourself, “At the end of my life, will I be happy with this decision?”

Question #7: Does this choice help me connect more deeply with others?

Some of our life choices create barriers between ourselves and others.  For instance, if you choose to abuse drugs or alcohol, you are going to create a barrier between yourself and other people.  That’s because no one wants to connect with someone who’s addicted and self-destructive. So, you want to make choices that allow you to connect deeply with those you care about.

Of course, I’m not suggesting that you make life choices that pander to others in order to connect with them.  No good comes of changing who you fundamentally are to make yourself more acceptable to other people.  For instance, I’m a nerdy, bookworm.  I’m not remotely cool or adventurous.  And I choose to be myself. I don’t modify myself to make myself more palatable to others. And if people struggle to connect with me because they find me to be boring, I’m OK with that! 

But I do make other choices so that I can more easily connect with others.  For instance, I choose to be kind.  And I choose to encourage others at every opportunity.  Those are life choices I make so that I can have easy, peaceful, positive relationships with other people.

I also choose to live harmoniously with other creatures.  I take care of my dog, cat and bunny and ensure that they are all happy and healthy.  And I’ve made a life choice not to eat meat, so that I don’t contribute to the suffering of other creatures.  Even in my own house, if I happen to find a bug, I’ll pick the bug up on a piece of paper and escort it outside.  My goal is to live peacefully, to the extent I can, with nature and all living creatures.

If you are seeking to make better life choices, consider asking yourself the questions above before making any choice, big or small.  Remember that when we make better life choices, we live happier lives! (To read about what to do if you’ve made a bad choice, click here.)